When a Family Member Stops Speaking to You
For a parent, sibling or child who has stopped speaking to you. It keeps the door unlocked without leaving you waiting at it, gets the unsent letter written, settles what to tell people who ask, and expects the anniversaries to hurt.
Estrangement · Family · Self-Compassion · 8 items · whenever you need it
The checklist
- Send one short message, then stop sending — a door left open is not the same as knocking.
- Write the long letter and keep it — it does its work whether or not it is sent.
- Decide what you would apologize for — your share, named plainly, without the rest of the case.
- Ask one relative to carry nothing — messengers make a second argument out of the first.
- Let the anniversaries be hard — birthdays and holidays will hurt and that is not failure.
- Answer the question in public simply — “we are not in touch right now” is a whole answer.
- Build the family you do have — the people who answer are not a consolation prize.
- Leave the door unlocked, not open — being reachable costs you less than waiting does.
Use this checklist Free account: tick items off and keep each day's record.
How to use it
Run through it whenever you need it, honestly and without scoring yourself. A checklist is a way of noticing, not a test: an item you cannot tick is information about the day, not a verdict on you. Over a few weeks the pattern of what gets ticked and what does not says more than any single pass.
With a free Theraglee account the checklist remembers each pass, so you can look back. Without one, you can still read it here and keep your own copy.