Before a Conversation You Have Been Dreading
For the talk you have rehearsed in your head for weeks and still have not had. It sorts out what you actually want from it, gives you an opening line, and sets the bar somewhere you can reach.
Communication · Communication · Assertiveness · 8 items · whenever you need it
The checklist
- Write down what you want to come out of it — An apology, a change, an answer; pick one, not all three.
- Cut it to one sentence — If you cannot say the point in a sentence, the conversation will wander.
- Decide your opening line and keep it — The first ten seconds are the hardest, so do not improvise them.
- Lead with what you noticed, not what they are — “The last three Fridays” goes somewhere; “you always” does not.
- Plan for them not taking it well — You are not responsible for managing their reaction as well as your own.
- Pick a time when neither of you is running — Not bedtime, not out the door, not over a meal you cooked.
- Decide what you will not get into — Name the old argument you are not reopening today.
- Set the bar at saying it, not at winning — Having said the thing out loud is the whole success here.
Use this checklist Free account: tick items off and keep each day's record.
How to use it
Run through it whenever you need it, honestly and without scoring yourself. A checklist is a way of noticing, not a test: an item you cannot tick is information about the day, not a verdict on you. Over a few weeks the pattern of what gets ticked and what does not says more than any single pass.
With a free Theraglee account the checklist remembers each pass, so you can look back. Without one, you can still read it here and keep your own copy.