When You Owe Someone an Apology
For when you know you were in the wrong and the longer you leave it the worse it gets. It helps you work out what to say, say it without a defense attached, and then let the other person decide what happens next.
Communication · Communication · Shame · 8 items · whenever you need it
The checklist
- Write down the specific thing you did — a vague apology lands as no apology.
- Cut every sentence starting with because — the explanation turns it back into your story.
- Say what it cost them, not what you meant — intent is the part they already know.
- Name one thing you will do differently — an apology without a change is just regret out loud.
- Do it today, in the way they prefer — waiting adds a second thing to apologize for.
- Ask nothing of them in the same breath — forgiveness is not yours to schedule.
- Sit with the silence afterward — their reaction is theirs, and it may take a while.
- Stop retelling it to yourself tonight — shame keeps you busy instead of changed.
Use this checklist Free account: tick items off and keep each day's record.
How to use it
Run through it whenever you need it, honestly and without scoring yourself. A checklist is a way of noticing, not a test: an item you cannot tick is information about the day, not a verdict on you. Over a few weeks the pattern of what gets ticked and what does not says more than any single pass.
With a free Theraglee account the checklist remembers each pass, so you can look back. Without one, you can still read it here and keep your own copy.