When a Friend Is Struggling
For when someone you care about is having a hard time and you are not sure what to say. It helps you offer something concrete, ask the question people avoid asking, and keep enough of yourself back that you can stay in it.
Connection · Relationships · Communication · 8 items · whenever you need it
The checklist
- Send one short message with no question in it — it tells them you are there without asking for a reply.
- Offer one specific thing instead of anything you need — a named offer is far easier to accept.
- Ask how they are doing, then wait through the pause — the real answer usually comes second.
- Ask directly whether they are thinking of suicide — the question does not plant the idea, and it opens the door.
- Save 988 in your phone and theirs — call or text reaches a crisis counselor any hour of the day.
- Say plainly that you do not have the answer — honesty is better company than advice.
- Set a reminder to check back in three days — being remembered later matters more than the first call.
- Tell one other person what you are carrying — holding someone up works better when you are not alone.
Use this checklist Free account: tick items off and keep each day's record.
How to use it
Run through it whenever you need it, honestly and without scoring yourself. A checklist is a way of noticing, not a test: an item you cannot tick is information about the day, not a verdict on you. Over a few weeks the pattern of what gets ticked and what does not says more than any single pass.
With a free Theraglee account the checklist remembers each pass, so you can look back. Without one, you can still read it here and keep your own copy.