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Holding Your Boundaries

For people who say yes when they mean no, or feel used up by everyone else's needs. Each day is one small practice in noticing your limits and stating them plainly and kindly.

Boundaries · Boundaries · Assertiveness · one to-do a day · you choose how many days

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The first seven days

  • Day 1Write down one thing you agreed to recently that you did not want to do.
  • Day 2Say "Let me check and get back to you" to one request today instead of answering right away.
  • Day 3Notice one moment today when your body tightened. That is often a boundary being crossed.
  • Day 4Practice saying "No, I can't do that" out loud, alone, five times.
  • Day 5Turn down one small thing today, an extra task, a call, a favor, with one sentence and no apology.
  • Day 6Decide on a time to stop working today and stop at that time.
  • Day 7Write down three things you need more of: time, quiet, help, rest, and one way to get one of them.

Further into the year

The to-dos keep changing as the year goes on. A few from later in this theme:

  • Day 30Reread your notes from this challenge and pick the one boundary that matters most. Write it as a sentence you can say.
  • Day 60Give a short, honest answer when someone asks how you are, instead of the automatic "fine."
  • Day 120Ask your partner or a close friend what boundary of yours they notice you not holding.
  • Day 240Tell a friend who shares your news with others that you would like them to check with you first.
  • Day 365Say "I am going to give myself the weekend to decide" and mean the whole weekend.

How a challenge works

A Theraglee challenge is a theme with one small to-do for every day of a year. You choose how long yours runs, anywhere from a week to the full year, and each day you get the next to-do: something that takes a few minutes and fits inside an ordinary day. Tick it off when it is done. Nothing is scored and nothing is lost if you miss a day; the next to-do is simply waiting when you come back.

Challenges come with a free Theraglee account, which never asks for a card. Your progress stays private to you.

Challenges like this one

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Reading that goes with it

Being Around Someone You Cannot Stand A relative, a colleague, the other parent at pickup. Why liking them is not the goal, the three topics and the exit line to prepare, and how to keep… Being the Sober One at the Party One short sentence, repeated. Why holding a glass matters, how to handle the people who push, and why the evening gets harder after eleven whatever… When Someone Tells You Something Heavy A friend tells you what happened to them, and you freeze. What actually helps in that conversation, what not to say, and how to carry it afterward…
Educational only — not medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Find a licensed therapist if you want support.